What Hurts the Most

I've been carrying an empty heart with me. My heart has been broken, completely shatered to pieces. I feel stuck, I feel as if progression has stopped. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to fix it, I know things can and will work out but the how's and when's are what get me. I don't know how to make maliable hearts or forgiving hearts, I dont' know how to teach people how to build back bridges that have been burned, I don't understand why things happen, I know its for a reason but when does it end, when does hatered stop? It absolutely kills me to know that one thing that I care so much about is disapearing before my very eyes. Love is lost, kindness is gone, the will to forgive is hopeless, hearts have been riped out and stepped on, and all for what.. something that happened almost 4 years ago? It hurts me so much to see unwillingness, disobedience, and selfishness. I know things can and will be worked out and there is light at the end of the tunel, my only question is, How much further do we have to travel to get there?

My passion came to an end

Well the past few years I have been working for Desert Riders Motorsports, I have put a lot of time and efforts into this company. Upon leaving my job to move to Provo, I had one last request. I wanted to attend the annual Yamaha Dealer Meeting in Las Vegas. I was able to work things out to be able to attend this meeting. I had an amazing time and an unforgettable experience!


Well this is the fabulous Mirage that we stayed it! It was a pretty cool hotel, I enjoyed it! The pool area was so neat also!










































We had a few minutes before our first meeting started so we were just taking some funny pictures.











































Oh man, this is a story to tell... So Monday night we were getting on the bus to head over to another hotel to watch the Blue Man Show. I sat with Susan and there was an empty seat next to Houston. So a kid came up and sat by him, he was wearing a Yamaha shirt and had a name badge so I knew he was one of the Yamaha Factory Riders. It was Broc Hepler who races for Yamaha on a dirt bike. Houston was in heaven. Well I didn't have a seat next to Houston and Susan because I had to buy my own and it just wasn't close to theirs. I got to my seat and Broc came and sat in my row and was chatting with me a bit. Seats started to fill in a little more and some guys came and sat by me. They were regional managers for Yamaha so it was neat to chat with them for a bit. Well a few minutes later a younger kid and an older man came and sat on the other side of me. It was Thad and Randy. They also ride for Yamaha. They both race in the WNCC class which is just a minor class out door type race. It was such a neat experience sitting with all of them!




Randy, Thad, & Me!

Me and Broc

Me and Houston in our pit shirts

When we finished with a meeting we went touring around some of the hotels and we came upon humpty dumpty so we had to take a picture!

Tuesday after all the meetings and the pool party, me and Houston, as well as a couple from Cochise Motorsports got together with our District Manager and our parts and service rep. We all went out on the town to have some fun! We went to a place called Marguerita Ville. They had a live band and we just hung out and had a good time. I wanted one last picture with the 3 main guys so we took a funny one! After we were done there, we met up with some more district managers and regional managers to have some more fun! It was definately a good time!

After all was said and done, we bummed around all day Wednesday until we had to go to the airport. My flight didn't leave for another hour after Houston and Susan left. As they were boarding and I gave them hugs, Reality hit me that I was done with Yamaha now. I started to tear up a little bit and saw the two of them off. It was a really sad moment to realize that I was done, that my life and my passion that I had come to love was gone. It never really hit me like it did that day, but I still know that there is a reason that I left the things I love to live here in Provo.

Well the day finally came...

Well Saturday August 30th was my last day of work. It never really hit me that this was the final day and that I was not going to be coming back to work at Yamaha anymore. Randy and Susan ( The owners) put together a lil going away present for me. They made a memory book and put pictures inside of the album of things that we had done the past 2 and a half years. It was really cool! I left work and it still hadn't hit me that I was done with Yamaha.

My mom wanted all of us to go out to eat Saturday as a going away diner. We ate at chalos and had a good time. We had cake and had presents for me, David, & Ashley. I was a fun time!

Monday spetember 1st came and I packed up my car and started my journey to Utah. I was really hard to realize that the time had finally arrived and I was really doing what I know I needed to do. When I left my house, car loaded full of stuff, Boom... It hit me that I was not going to come back to my house til Christmas, I was so sad. I made the rounds and took pictures with everyone before I left. I was a tough pill to swallow when I was heading out of town. I just kept thinking to myself... Tory what are you doing? You are leaving a job you love, leaving you freinds and family, all for what? A feeling I had? I know and I still know that it was the right thing to do but I just wonder why sometimes!

I had the oppertunity to stop in Mesa to visit Mike, Dena, & Lincoln for one last time before I left. They took me out to dinner and we watched a movie. I was a really fun time with them!

The journey continued to Panaca to visit my good buddy Steve! I stayed the night there in Panaca and got to hang out with his family for a bit. His friends came over that night too, I haven't seen them in years, so it was really neat to see all of them!

Dreams do come true!

On Friday I received a phone call from the accademy that I wanted to attend and the manager left a message telling me that I was accepted into the cosmetology program! I start October 21st! I am so excited, now I had to tell Andy I am quitting. It was still a very difficult thing to do for me. I didn't tell him that day, or Monday. After a long time coming I finally told him today. He was very understanding and supportive. I didn't even cry, I was so proud of myself! He is very sad and not looking forward to training anyone but it has to get done sometime! Things are still trickling into place for me so thats helpful, everyday its something new and I'm loving it!

Difficult is what we hold on to

Well to start out, towards the end of November, I had a really distinct impression that I needed to be in Utah. I kept putting that thought in the back of my head so I wouldn't think about it. Time kept creeping up on me and decisions needed to be made. I finally decided that I should just go. I figured that everything will work out if it was supposed to. I applied to BYU and I called my aunt to see if I could stay with her. Nothing seemed to be working out, I then started to feel more and more discouraged. I didn't get accepted to BYU and my aunt really didn't want me to stay with her.
I was stuck. I still strongly knew I needed to be in Utah so I changed routes. I started to look at apartments and I applied to try and get one. I also looked into a few cosmetology schools up there. There is one shcool that I really liked so I applied there. I still hadn't heard from any apartments so I made some phone calls. No luck was found for a while, but I was determined! I called one more place and sure enough, one spot just became open. I sent in my deposit and snagged the apartment.
Everything has fallen into place so far, except for one thing. My boss has no clue that I'm making decisions to leave. Most think no big deal right, just give 2 week notice and you're fine...Wrong, completely wrong!
If anyone knows how much I love my job, how long I've been there, what I do, that there is only two of us, and that I'm kinda a big deal, then they would completely understand how hard of a task this is. I have been putting this off for almost 2 months now. Andy desirves to know that i'm leaving so he can fill my spot and that I'll have time to help the new girl get up to some what of a par. Haha! This is one of the most difficult things that I need to do and for some reason I'm just holding onto it. I hate that i'm so much of a coward to tell him this but tomorrow is the day. I am telling him tomorrow! Hopefully! Haha!

Favorites

Fav book? I don't really have one! Not a fan of reading!
Fav celeb? Probably Will Farell
Fav comedy movie? Dumb & Dumber
Fav scary movie? I can't even tell you right now, don't have one I guess!
Fav romance movie? The Holiday
Fav comedian? Dane Cook
Fav game? Phase 10, but for some reason I never have patience to finish!
Fav show? I really can't hold still long enough to watch tv, plus we don't have cable!
Fav artist? Rihanna
Fav sport? Soccer
Fav food? Italian or grilled chicken
Fav color?Pink
Fav hobby? Riding my Rhino
Fav animal? I'm not a fan, but I'd have to say a dog I guess
Fav subject? Chemisrty
Fav teacher? Mrs. Hernandez
Fav job? Parts girl @ Yamaha
Fav holiday? Christmas
Fav season? Spring
Fav board game? Life
Fav electronic device? My IPod
Fav cereal? Pops or Golden Grams
Fav cake? Carrot cake with creen cheese frosting
Fav chips? Doritos
Fav gum? Orbit
Fav water? Fiji
Fav family member? No offence anyone, but I'm being honest... Mike! I love them all!
Fav friend? Danni
Fav fruit? Grapes & Apples
Fav vegtable? Broccoli
Fav candy? Kit Kat or Reeses
Fav chore? Taking out the trash
Fav pet? Molly

Unforgettable

On Friday night I had the oppertunity to go on a Rhino ride from Queencreek to Pima. It was a long exhausting ride, 17 straight hours of many different types of terrain. We went from irrigation farm roads to dirt roads to rocky roads to just plain rock. Things i saw on this trip were so amazing that I can't even describe them. I had the best time of my life!

When Adam's Rhino broke down, we went into the nearest town and filled up with gas. I'm standing next to a Kawasaki Teryx sportin Yamaha!

Ronnie had continuous problems with his Rhino so everytime we stopped to fix it we took funny pictures. This is Laine, Me , and Shilo.

Dawn started to break and we were a few hours behind due to break downs and getting lost. We were finally on track and from this picture we are headed to the saddle in between the two mesas.

We are approaching the top of the saddle and the view is absolutely amazing!

We finally made it to the top of the saddle! It was a long ride to the top. For at least 10 miles, we had to go 6mph or slower using four wheel drive climbing rock.

Well here's the crew at the top of the mountain!

Here is an idea of most of the terrain we were ridin on, it was intense!

We killed so many rattle snakes on the way, I was real brave and got the rattle off of one of them!

Here is the crew! Last stop before the home stretch!